bullying Archives - iRespectOnline

November 4, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Mobile Apps and your child

There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps available for us to download to our smartphones and tablets. The choice is incredible with apps for all kinds of things, from keeping us organised with shopping lists, travel lists, find a quote, manage our business, play a game, apps to find a date (or meet a stranger) , to apps that tell you when its a good time to go to the bathroom during a movie (yes the pee app exists).

The amount of time we are spending on apps is increasing with many spending over 30 hours a month using apps (nielson 2014) so it seems we are becoming increasingly reliant on using apps to manage our lives.

The question I would like to put to you is whether you supervise (or ever check) the applications that your children/teens are using?

Perhaps you do try and keep on eye on what they are doing, but find it hard to work out which apps are safe and which are not? You are definitely not alone on that front! How are we supposed to keep up to date with so many new apps appearing?

In this post we give you some tips to consider so that you can begin to understand what your child is doing with their mobile device, and then we list the apps we are most concerned about when it comes to children, tweens and teens.

9 tips to consider

Talk to your child – they will tell you what the latest, greatest and most popular app is
Use the conversation as a lead into having a look on your child’s device together to see what they have loaded.
Ask questions about what an app is for (chat, game, dating)
Ask your child if they understand the privacy or safety aspects
Check the age ratings of the apps they are using the most? Are they suitable?
Given the purpose of a particular app, it is suitable for your child (for example a 10 year old with a dating app)
Keeping your child involved in the discussion, remove apps which may be putting them at risk.
Apps which require only user names don’t really protect your child, they can act as a shield for less savoury persons and make it harder to determine who is behind the name. Whilst some people feel having a user name protects identity, this doesn’t always work in real life. Anonymity allows bullies and trolls to hide behind a user name.
Don’t allow FOMO (fear of missing out) to cloud your judgement when helping educate your children on app safety. Just because they say a lot of their friends use it, that doesn’t make it safe (and often you might find they actually are not using it at all).

Apps which can put your child/teen at risk

KIK: A free instant messenging app which requires the use of a user name. It is rated for users 17+ years of age, yet I am aware of children aged 8-12 using Kik.

KIK has been noted by the Australian Police force as one of the apps used by sexual predators for “grooming” young people. It is not just a messenger app due to the fact that is has integrated a browser into the message capabilities to enable easier sharing. This of course immediately opens up the risk of inappropriate material being shared. (Previously Kik used “cards” to bring in content). With over 100 million users we should be concerned just what the app is being used for and the risks to our children. Users can pose as teens, men as girls or women as boys in order to make connections with young people. Sexualised content is frequently found on KIK.

It is very difficult to monitor what is being said and shared on KIK as there are no records to review and threads can be quickly deleted.

Many complementary apps allow access to data. Kikfriends lets you find user names, therefore exposing our young people further to risk, as does integrating the app with Instagram. Sharing KIK names is popular, you may see posts which say “kik me @” or what’s your kik name? This is a dangerous practice as it allows strangers to connect more easily.

You can read some parents experiences on Commonsense media here.

Tinder – ages 13+

Tinder is a “hook up” app. It is primarily an adult site using location technology to allow users to find people close by. They can then choose if they like the look of the person. If the other person also likes the look of them, then they are able to chat, and of course meet up. It must be a two way connection. It has been described as the “site to find sex”. There is a huge risk to young people by sexual predators given the app narrows location down to around one km. Provided your child hasn’t lied about their age, those under 17 cannot engage with adults, but of course this cannot be monitored where someone has entered an incorrect birth date. Tinder is the only app of this kind open to under 18s. Other similar apps (rated 18+) are OK cupid, Grindr and Blendr.

Snapchat

Snapchat has been around for while and sexting is the biggest issue we see facing teens with this app. The app operates in a way that images are supposed to only display for a “snap” , but because of this the temptation to take nude pictures is pretty high. Recently over 90,000 images were copied from snapchat via a hack into a third party app. Called the snappening, the hacker released images including user ids. Many of these pictures were of naked or semi naked teens. Third party apps can be downloaded which can grab the images before they disappear. We wrote about snapchat in 2012 if you would like to learn more. We do recommend that if your teen is using snapchat and you cant get them off it, perhaps start using it yourself and make sure you are connected to them. This seems to work with many teens to help them think about what they are posting and why. (While we are at it, ask them just that.. what are they posting and why?).

Omegle is all about connecting with and talking to strangers. It is also rated 17+ (in Australia) and has strong adult sexualised content. Check ratings for other countries but their website says not to be used by under 13s and that under 18 need parental permission.

This app concerns me the most as it is all about connecting with randomised strangers both via chat and video. It’s one to one interaction and its anonymous (until you tell it otherwise). There is strong adult themes and language and cyber sex is rampant on this platform. It is possible to connect a facebook account which immediately removes another layer of safety. Omegle does have “no perverts” statement, but with a site and app such as this the risks are extremly high for young people to be exposed to inappropriate contact and content.

I would consider blocking this site for under 16’s at a minimum.

Meow Chat- rated 12+ for mild sexual content/nudity/profanity

This is a combination of a chat app and a meet up app. It uses location based technology to tell you who is nearby and offers for you to select (a bit like the hot or not Tinder selection) to potentially chat with and meet up with. You can also go for a global search and chat with people anywhere in the world. On one had I’d like to say it’s the modern communication version of a penfriend – meeting and connecting with people from all over the world can be a wonderful experience. This problem is again with the tendency towards sexualised content and the dating aspect. Having a 12 year old or younger meet up/hook up with a stranger is not something I feel comfortable with. I am concerned at it’s low rating as apparently sexual content and nudity seem to be now considered fine for our young people. I would like them to have a chance to develop their cerebal cortex just a little more before throwing them into the online dating/chat/meetup world personally.

A previous post about meow chat may be read here.

Apps you thought were safe

Instagram

Seems like a harmless photo sharing app, but of course as with all tools for some it can be manipulated. Instagram is for ages 13+ . There is a lot of peer pressure to have tweens and younger on instagram (often driven by parents who create sites for their own toddlers etc), but as with all apps, we need to look at the maturity level of the individual child, their resilience and as parents, try to preserve their innocence as childhood is a fleeting moment in life. For the most part Instagram can be a very creative space and for those of use who are visual it’s a wonderful platform. However there can be a dark side. Instagram can be used to connect to other apps and by doing so, reveal the person behind a user name. We all want to keep our youth safe and away from predators, so again, it’s about having conversations and making sure that we know who we are connecting to online.

Another risk is the obsession with selfies. For some teens they can become quite psychologically affected by comments (ok lack of comments) on photographs they post of themselves. Self esteem can take a bashing which is sad because this is superficial. It is normal for teens to seek validation, but when it is totally based on looks, and not personality and the whole package then this is when we start to see some damage. Bullying and trolling can come into play here. Talk to your teen about how they feel when using apps such as Instagram. If it’s fun and they enjoy it that’s great, but if they are finding themselves being affected by the comments, then it’s a great time to open up the conversation, and if necessary seek professional advice and help to try and minimise damage to self confidence and self esteem.

Yik yak

Many parents I speak with see Yik Yak as a fun posting app, but in actual fact it is fast becoming the most rampant site for bullying, pranking and cruelty. It has a voting/points system for “awesome yaks” which of course can act as an incentive to try and get the most controversial post. It allows you to post and search for apps within a particular radius of your location. This makes it extremely attractive to teens in High School and College. Again it’s anonymous user ID’s seem to promote the idea that behind a “mask” one can be forget respect for others totally. Reports of threats of violence, bombings, and sharing of sexual content and “paybacks” are being reported. Parents this app is also rated 17+. Principals and teachers are reporting a rise in cyberbullying with this app.

Various Gaming Apps:

There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps which involve play, and for the most part you might feel they are simply fun and/or educational. What we ask parents to consider is purchasing paid versions to eliminate advertising (rather than using free versions which may take players off game to inapprioprate sites, or have inappropriate banner ads) and also to consider apps which are constantly enticing players to upgrade or purchase new features. For some of our youth this is in fact grooming a new generation of gamblers. If your child is highly competitive or has an addictive personality in particular, please have conversations with them about how they are playing and try and keep it fun.

Age ratings:

Just a quick word about age ratings. These are of course given as a guideline in regards to use of apps. It is important that parents consider the individual maturity of their tween/teen when considering whether an app is appropriate and whether perhaps it should be removed. The issue with age ratings is that there really is nothing to stop anyone uploading an app and just saying “yes I’m old enough”. We highly recommend adjusting phone settings so that apps of inappropriate rating cannot be downloaded without access to a password (and that the parent should control that password initially until they feel their child has obtained maturity and/or age to hand over their independence).

For more information you may like to read our guest post at Happy Parenting on Mobile Apps and the Traps.

Please be aware that the information is made available for educational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You must exercise your own due diligence before implementing any recommendation and/or purchasing any product. Fiona Lucas, Socially Skilled and iRespectOnline are exempt of any and all responsibility associated with misuse or your own interpretation. Do not delay seeking medical or professional advice. You acknowledge and agree that the above warnings and disclaimers shall apply to all content and that you take responsibility for your own health and wellbeing and that of your children.

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February 5, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Facebook LooksBack – Laugh cry or maybe cringe?

As Facebook celebrates its 10th birthday, much fun is to be had through the auto creation of a recap of your “life” on Facebook. This is where embarrassing photographs that were publicly posted just might come back to bite you!

Set to music, Facebook captures the year you joined Facebook, some of your first pictures, status updates that received the most likes and then a random selection of your photos. So far we have seen some really beautiful ones – and for those of us who have been on Facebook for a while, it can be quite heartwarming to review moments in time. Personally it reminded me of how I dropped my “my space” travel blog and started using Facebook (ah Venice 🙂 ) and then there were a few “oh that’s an odd one to have in there!

Reliving happy status updates made me smile:

I think this is one of the real “feel good” sides to Facebook. Where this can go wrong of course is where photos have been posted which may not show you or others in a particularly good light. A video highlighting a nasty bullying post that received a lot of likes is not something to be proud of. A young lawyer shown lying in a drunken pile after too big a night out may not help her career path. A photo that belongs in the “you had to be there” category might not be so easily understood by others. (By the way, I did ask the owner of the photo below if I could use it provided I crossed out the face!).

Thankfully the videos are not designed to be shared (the servers would probably overload with the massive number being produced), however nothing can stop you taking screenshots and using them for good or evil (or a blog post!).

As Facebook “looks back” at your Facebook life you might shed a tear, laugh out loud, cringe or turn various shades of red. If something particularly negative shows, then make an effort to go back through your Facebook history and delete and clean up. For teens about to head into their College/University years, this is a really good opportunity to have a laugh about “those things kids do” and then remove them from the public eye. Don’t let a silly moment affect your future higher education choices or how a future or current employer may view you. The videos default to public, so make sure you change the settings just to share with your family and friends.

On the subject of looking back, Hanna Ingber and Jenna Wortham collected some amazing comments from readers of the NY Times for the article “… the transformative power of Facebook for better or worse”. It shows the highs and lows of our online social connectiveness, but there are some really lovely moments. You can read the article here

If you haven’t played with Facebook’s birthday gift to us, you can create yours here – Please tell us how it turned out. Enjoy your recap!

Happy 10th birthday Facebook.

Fiona.

www.fionalucas.com.au

June 28, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

What parents REALLY need to know about social media

There is so much information online for parents these days it is hard to know where to turn, it can be pretty confusing, and time consuming trying to cover it all. So many ebooks and articles and blogs on safety and apps and etiquette (we here at iRespectOnline have written many of them!).

Last year (2012), after seeing the career aspirations of one young teen smashed due to inappropriate photographs being posted online and found by a prospective employer, I knew I had to write a book to really EMPOWER parents with knowledge and to help them to understand the importance of guiding their children from the earliest ages possible. It took me just over a year to write as my father had a stroke just before I was due to finish it, but I am so pleased that it is now available and is being very well received.

Futureproof your Kids© encompasses my passion for not only educating parents in understanding the online world but of empowering our children to be the SUPERKIDS of the future online. Children who grow up respecting integrity and high values.

I never set out to write “another” guide book on privacy settings and the like as social media platforms change so often. Through collaborative efforts, I already have wonderful series of helpful tip sheets produced with my lovely colleague Mel Rom at Social Ediquette™ in Perth, WA. (We update these often to keep them on track with the latest changes).

Instead I have a produced a book from the heart, designed to help readers to really think and consider what our online interactions mean for ourselves and others, both now and in the future. The book is designed to assist parents with the issues they are really struggling with – where to begin, how to help their children, and to understand the benefits as well as be aware of safety and issues such as cyberbullying. Beyond that, this book introduces my 4 Step Reputation Framework© which I am so excited about.

This framework encompasses a set of ethics and values which our children can use throughout their lives. Introducing the values via 4 cute characters (created by my amazing illustrator Deb Parker) we meet Ruby Respect, Robert Responsibility, Rosie Resilience and Ronnie Research. These characters form an integral part of the content of my education workshops for parents and schools.

Further “superkid” superhero characters are introduced as we progress through the workshops. The values are valuable for adults to embrace also, as it is from parents and other adults that our children tend to model their early behaviours on. We need to keep checking our own “reflection” in the social media mirror!

IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY OR TOO LATE TO START LEARNING ABOUT THE ONLINE ENVIRONMENT. Whether your child is under 2 or 16 we should not allow a digital divide to develop between our children and ourselves when it comes to understanding the online environment. You need to be there, to help guide your children through the social media “playground” . Grandparents, Aunty’s, Uncle’s and neighbours too, should all understand the environment so you can work together to create a consistent approach to the use of social media where your children are concerned.

It’s not just parents and children who can benefit from my framework, I also have a “grown up” workshop version of the 4R’s Reputation Framework© for businesses who wish to embrace a more ethical, transparent and connected approach to the way they engage online with their clients, customers and prospects.

I look forward to sharing future posts with you that explore the contents of the book and perhaps engaging with you at a workshop at your school or community group soon!

Respectfully

Fiona Lucas

Author

Futureproof your kids© is currently available to Australian parents in paperback form from our website and at www.futureproofyourkids.com. Kindle/electronic formats of the book are currently under development and will be available globally in the near future. We encourage purchasing the hard copy so it can be shared around your family and always nearby for reference :-).

Enquiries for international and/or bulk orders should be made directly to the author via the contact form:

[contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Enquiry Type’ type=’radio’ options=’international enquiry,bulk order,school enquiry,workshop enquiry,keynote speaking enquiry,Other’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

iRespectOnline®

Your social media mirror. Have you checked your reflection lately?

May 28, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Online superheroes Simple but positive action -: Smile online

As passionate as I am about raising awareness for change in the way we engage online, I had an interesting “comment debate”* on someone’s wall about taking action in the area of online safety and cyberbullying. As someone who is proactive about change and commited to bringing respect, ethics and higher values into the online environment, I was quite interested in their view that my business, my blogs, workshops and my book did not constitute action in this person’s eyes. They spoke about joining organisations to volunteer time on help lines etc as being action.

It is so vital that we do man help lines in order to address the suffering of others, and I certainly hope that the information I share and the openness of my blog and facebook pages offers value for those seeking help, along with the events and organisations that I volunteer time to. In my opinion, my positive action looks beyond helping only those who are already suffering, to include preventing it from happening to others. Therefore I truly feel that educating others, and changing mindsets is very much an action. Would you agree?

The debate however had me thinking about ways of trying to bring positivity into the space. I really hate having to have negative conversations where it feels very ‘doom and gloom’ due to the important issues of safety, because I also feel the online environment can have such a positive effect and be used in ways which are beneficial to others. Some of these benefits include the availability of information, creation of supportive community, help and support during disasters, bringing together those with shared interests, bringing education within the reach of everyone, helping isolated communities to feel more connected, assisting those with disabilities who might otherwise not engage, encouraging us to share our hopes, dream and achievements with others as a way of inspiring those around us – the list goes on. We just don’t highlight the wins enough, but we sure amplify the darker side when it happens.

Some people say to me “I don’t want to share what I had for lunch, or know what you did”, “I dont need people to know where I’ve been or what I did”.. and sure maybe you don’t, but if we go back in time, when communication wasn’t so broad, everyone in the village knew what you had for lunch, what you did, where you had been…. so to me, we have just tried to bring some of the village back, because we have all been wandering around our big lonely cities for quite some time. Just as some wanted to escape the village back in the day, we have those who want to escape back to a time when each of us had more interest in the other, because there simply was a lot less to occupy our minds. With so much now filling our heads, a bit of harmless, no-brainer, “I don’t have to analyse this” posting is quite welcome in my world! Ok some things should stay private – I don’t need to know when you shower or go to the loo (or what you look like in either of those situations) – but if you really want to share that, I would probably ask you why, but then limit the feed. After all it’s your wall, not mine and you can share what you like as long as you take responsibility for it. If you eat out somewhere nice, I am interested – I love eating out and I don’t mind the pics of your food. If you post graphic images of particular causes, that is up to you, but be sensitive to the ages of those you transact online with. Respect our youth’s right to grow up without fear in their faces every minute. Just own what you post. Seriously if you don’t like it, don’t judge it, just adjust your settings if it really bugs you. If its illegal or inappropriate, report the page or post – that’s what I do.

What about though, rather than getting up in arms about people posting pics of the cat, or their outfit, that we choose to view our online experiences with the glass half full? Embrace the simple joy and pleasure that someone is getting from sharing their new hairdo, the new garden spade or their boutique beer. Rather than be annoyed, breathe in the simplicity of their joy and happiness. You don’t have to rush out and get a spade, but hey, if you ever need one you now know which friend can help you!

Naturally there are certain pictures which shouldnt be shared – the ones your grandma would blush at – keep them private. However if you do post about your more intimate thoughts or the melt down you had – recognise that you are reaching out to your community, but also recognise that you must take responsibility for that post – and if you don’t get the response you wanted, either take it down, or learn from it. If its too personal, don’t post it – try picking up the phone and talking things over with a close friend. In the end it is your wall. Try and be understanding, don’t knock the guy who posts pictures of his new mag wheels when you have just finished posting 300 pictures of baby eating yoghurt – one is his baby the other is yours!

If you only use your social media for business, then stop and realise that platforms like facebook and blogging itself have grown as social networks and blogging is about sharing opinion, thoughts and events of the day – hundreds and thousands of global diaries being updated every minute. Logically not all content will resonnate with our own values and opinions, but if you let it wash over you, you might just find that you are learning new things. We need to keep the social in social media or we go back to square one, and I think many in the world are over the bombardment of advertising everywhere they go.

This post was inspired because I was seeking interaction on how to bring positives, love and fun into the space, to counteract some of the negativity. I was shocked to find that some people, particularly young people, just don’t know how to give a compliment or praise someone. It’s not, to coin a phrase “wanky” to tell others positive things – it’s just simply nice!

So how can we take simple postive action? Well how about joining up with our new global event? Until the end of June we challenge you to join us and to post a positive comment on someones wall, then share the comment (without the persons name) so that others can see the types of things that people appreciate in others. #LET’SSMILEONLINE is a really simple way to spread a little love. I think our kids would be more resilient and able to cope with the odd nasty comment from a bully when (1) they can recognise that the issue is with the person posting, not them (2) they see positives to counteract the negatives. It’s not rocket science, it’s not even science, it’s just something I would love your support in trying. Let’s all be online superheroes. If you see something negative, just remove it, or let us know if it’s on our event and we will remove it. No need to engage because who wants to waste energy on negativity anyway?

fiona lucas

*comment debate: my term for a lengthy thread on facebook

*illustrations from Futureproof your Kids

March 21, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Bully for you – sending cyberbullies into space

How fantastic it is to see that children from a group who tend to be bullied, are becoming more resilient and are now standing up and being proactive about it. I couldn’t resist the pun. Bully for you! I shouted.

Australian teens inthe 14-15 year group are those most likely to experience cyberbullying according to the report which was presented at the 6th World Congress on Family Law and Children’s Rights in Sydney’s Darling Harbour on 19 March this year, however these same youth also indicated that they were prepared to stand up and do something about it. 14% of the teens surveyed said they would tell them to stop, 20% came to the defence of the person being bullied and 21% chose to ignore it. The interesting thing is that this is the very demographic who tend to push the boundaries and engage in activies such as “friending strangers and sending photos to people online that they have never met”. So here are a group of young people who do tend to have a much wider view of privacy than many of us, but they are standing up and saying NO to the bullies.

Wow, that is such a wonderful thing for me to read. Being able to rise above the taunts and poor behaviour and see it for what it is. I have to say I’m very proud of the proactive stance taken by our government against cyberbulllying. Every school in Australia has an antibullying policy and the resources avaialble just get better every day.

Other statistics indicated that 1 in 5 teens in this same age bracket (14-15) has experienced cyberbullying.

We still have a long way to go, but it really is heartwarming to see that our teens are picking up the message. It will take time, but if you talk to your children everyday and ask them what is happening in their world (on and off line) and talk to them about cyberbullying, we will make headway. Many children don’t want to mention it because they don’t want to upset their parents, or are worried that their parents might do something that brings more negative attention to them. There is a great page on facebook run by the Australian Governments Cybersmart program where both kids and adults can join in conversations and ask questions. Its called The Cloud dream on and you can join them here. (amended this page was withdrawn in 2015). It’s real life discussion on all sorts of topics related to the online world.

There are some wonderful government research projects available which you can participate in:

The Youth Advisory Project is comprised of of 8-17 year olds students who” provide direct consultation to government via the secure YAG online consultation website and face-to-face forums throughout the year. YAG members provide advice to government on a range of cybersafety topics including digital citizenship, cyberbullying, mobile phone safety, privacy, social networking sites and online computer games”. Expressions of interest for Schools is now closed for most states (primary in WA, SA & NT closed.

Parents and Teachers in Australia can also participate in the TAP Advisory Group .TAP provides an opportunity for teachers and parents across Australia to come together via a secure online forum to discuss cybersafety issues affecting children in the digital world and is open to all Australian teachers and parents.

I encourage all parents and children to get involved and have a say in the development of online resources and policy.

Fiona Lucas

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