cyberbullying Archives - iRespectOnline

July 29, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Has Meow Chat crept in through your cat flap?

Have you been indundated with requests to connect on Meow Chat? Yet another instant messaging service, this one offered through Facebook, on itunes and google play also allows contacts with randoms, so it’s kind of bringing in some of the dating/hook up/meet up aspects of Tinder along with aspects of WhatsApp. MeowChat claims to already have over 1,000,000 users!

What is disappointing to me is that yet another app is launched onto the market without much need seen for explaining how it works, who its suited for and how to stay safe with it. The very first thing that has happened for many is that upon downloading the app, people accept the “want to send a request to all your facebook friends” question to “build their network” and instantly they have given the app access to all their friends and the spam begins!

There are even anti meow chat twitters starting up due to the inundation of people allowing all their contacts to be sent a request! Perhaps this kind of release just might do more damage than good to the apps reputation(see slightly sanitised version of a twitter search illustrated!).

As with any App its important to look at what the app does, who might be getting access to your information, whose information you are also giving away and any risks to the more vulnerable in our community, particularly our children.

This app in particular has a very cute little kitty cat – so it’s going to have broad appeal especially to the younger children, the very ones we really don’t need on an app that allows random chat.

Here are a few points I would encourage you to consider before downloading.

The App is free – so expect advertising, be wary of third party links
It has built in location features to allow you to connect with “new people nearby” which is always a risk for younger children although it states it only locates a person within the nearest city of
100,000 people .
It encourages random one on one chats
The app seeks to find “similar” people to connect you with, based on your likes – this is very risky where children are concerned particularly
It’s rating is 12+ and includes mild/infrequent mild sexual content and nudity (definition of “mild” will depend on the individual)
It is possible to share pictures, voice messages and video
It does have an extensive privacy policy which should be read which does say that adult content may not be uploaded along with gore or shock images
I could not find a statement relating to what they do with data apart from a rather generic reference to not releasing personal data.
Be aware that when you allow an app to access your friends lists, you are really spamming them with an invite they may not wish to have. Avoid clicking on automatic invites to friends.

I would highly recommend that parents in particular have conversations with their children about the use of such an app and the risk that might arise from “random” meet ups. Ensuring they do not give away their personal details, full name and location is really important for their safety. That 13 year old your 12 year old thinks they are talking too might well be an adult lurking. Other areas to consider relate to linking to other social sites, such as Tumblr. Tumblr has a lot of content that is not suitable for younger children so it is important to make sure you know which sites your child is linking up to and just what they might be exposed to. Tweaking your child’s phone settings and turning off location/gps for the app is recommended.

A few sites I found discussing the app said there was already a lot of harrassment towards girls and sexual behaviour associated with the app.

If you don’t want to receive invitations, head over to your facebook page, click on the GAMES tab (under Apps on left hand side), find a meow chat request and click on the X. You should then see an option to block further requests. You can do this for any other app you are being sent requests for also.

Have you already been invited? Do you think you will use this app?

June 28, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

What parents REALLY need to know about social media

There is so much information online for parents these days it is hard to know where to turn, it can be pretty confusing, and time consuming trying to cover it all. So many ebooks and articles and blogs on safety and apps and etiquette (we here at iRespectOnline have written many of them!).

Last year (2012), after seeing the career aspirations of one young teen smashed due to inappropriate photographs being posted online and found by a prospective employer, I knew I had to write a book to really EMPOWER parents with knowledge and to help them to understand the importance of guiding their children from the earliest ages possible. It took me just over a year to write as my father had a stroke just before I was due to finish it, but I am so pleased that it is now available and is being very well received.

Futureproof your Kids© encompasses my passion for not only educating parents in understanding the online world but of empowering our children to be the SUPERKIDS of the future online. Children who grow up respecting integrity and high values.

I never set out to write “another” guide book on privacy settings and the like as social media platforms change so often. Through collaborative efforts, I already have wonderful series of helpful tip sheets produced with my lovely colleague Mel Rom at Social Ediquette™ in Perth, WA. (We update these often to keep them on track with the latest changes).

Instead I have a produced a book from the heart, designed to help readers to really think and consider what our online interactions mean for ourselves and others, both now and in the future. The book is designed to assist parents with the issues they are really struggling with – where to begin, how to help their children, and to understand the benefits as well as be aware of safety and issues such as cyberbullying. Beyond that, this book introduces my 4 Step Reputation Framework© which I am so excited about.

This framework encompasses a set of ethics and values which our children can use throughout their lives. Introducing the values via 4 cute characters (created by my amazing illustrator Deb Parker) we meet Ruby Respect, Robert Responsibility, Rosie Resilience and Ronnie Research. These characters form an integral part of the content of my education workshops for parents and schools.

Further “superkid” superhero characters are introduced as we progress through the workshops. The values are valuable for adults to embrace also, as it is from parents and other adults that our children tend to model their early behaviours on. We need to keep checking our own “reflection” in the social media mirror!

IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY OR TOO LATE TO START LEARNING ABOUT THE ONLINE ENVIRONMENT. Whether your child is under 2 or 16 we should not allow a digital divide to develop between our children and ourselves when it comes to understanding the online environment. You need to be there, to help guide your children through the social media “playground” . Grandparents, Aunty’s, Uncle’s and neighbours too, should all understand the environment so you can work together to create a consistent approach to the use of social media where your children are concerned.

It’s not just parents and children who can benefit from my framework, I also have a “grown up” workshop version of the 4R’s Reputation Framework© for businesses who wish to embrace a more ethical, transparent and connected approach to the way they engage online with their clients, customers and prospects.

I look forward to sharing future posts with you that explore the contents of the book and perhaps engaging with you at a workshop at your school or community group soon!

Respectfully

Fiona Lucas

Author

Futureproof your kids© is currently available to Australian parents in paperback form from our website and at www.futureproofyourkids.com. Kindle/electronic formats of the book are currently under development and will be available globally in the near future. We encourage purchasing the hard copy so it can be shared around your family and always nearby for reference :-).

Enquiries for international and/or bulk orders should be made directly to the author via the contact form:

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iRespectOnline®

Your social media mirror. Have you checked your reflection lately?

May 28, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Online superheroes Simple but positive action -: Smile online

As passionate as I am about raising awareness for change in the way we engage online, I had an interesting “comment debate”* on someone’s wall about taking action in the area of online safety and cyberbullying. As someone who is proactive about change and commited to bringing respect, ethics and higher values into the online environment, I was quite interested in their view that my business, my blogs, workshops and my book did not constitute action in this person’s eyes. They spoke about joining organisations to volunteer time on help lines etc as being action.

It is so vital that we do man help lines in order to address the suffering of others, and I certainly hope that the information I share and the openness of my blog and facebook pages offers value for those seeking help, along with the events and organisations that I volunteer time to. In my opinion, my positive action looks beyond helping only those who are already suffering, to include preventing it from happening to others. Therefore I truly feel that educating others, and changing mindsets is very much an action. Would you agree?

The debate however had me thinking about ways of trying to bring positivity into the space. I really hate having to have negative conversations where it feels very ‘doom and gloom’ due to the important issues of safety, because I also feel the online environment can have such a positive effect and be used in ways which are beneficial to others. Some of these benefits include the availability of information, creation of supportive community, help and support during disasters, bringing together those with shared interests, bringing education within the reach of everyone, helping isolated communities to feel more connected, assisting those with disabilities who might otherwise not engage, encouraging us to share our hopes, dream and achievements with others as a way of inspiring those around us – the list goes on. We just don’t highlight the wins enough, but we sure amplify the darker side when it happens.

Some people say to me “I don’t want to share what I had for lunch, or know what you did”, “I dont need people to know where I’ve been or what I did”.. and sure maybe you don’t, but if we go back in time, when communication wasn’t so broad, everyone in the village knew what you had for lunch, what you did, where you had been…. so to me, we have just tried to bring some of the village back, because we have all been wandering around our big lonely cities for quite some time. Just as some wanted to escape the village back in the day, we have those who want to escape back to a time when each of us had more interest in the other, because there simply was a lot less to occupy our minds. With so much now filling our heads, a bit of harmless, no-brainer, “I don’t have to analyse this” posting is quite welcome in my world! Ok some things should stay private – I don’t need to know when you shower or go to the loo (or what you look like in either of those situations) – but if you really want to share that, I would probably ask you why, but then limit the feed. After all it’s your wall, not mine and you can share what you like as long as you take responsibility for it. If you eat out somewhere nice, I am interested – I love eating out and I don’t mind the pics of your food. If you post graphic images of particular causes, that is up to you, but be sensitive to the ages of those you transact online with. Respect our youth’s right to grow up without fear in their faces every minute. Just own what you post. Seriously if you don’t like it, don’t judge it, just adjust your settings if it really bugs you. If its illegal or inappropriate, report the page or post – that’s what I do.

What about though, rather than getting up in arms about people posting pics of the cat, or their outfit, that we choose to view our online experiences with the glass half full? Embrace the simple joy and pleasure that someone is getting from sharing their new hairdo, the new garden spade or their boutique beer. Rather than be annoyed, breathe in the simplicity of their joy and happiness. You don’t have to rush out and get a spade, but hey, if you ever need one you now know which friend can help you!

Naturally there are certain pictures which shouldnt be shared – the ones your grandma would blush at – keep them private. However if you do post about your more intimate thoughts or the melt down you had – recognise that you are reaching out to your community, but also recognise that you must take responsibility for that post – and if you don’t get the response you wanted, either take it down, or learn from it. If its too personal, don’t post it – try picking up the phone and talking things over with a close friend. In the end it is your wall. Try and be understanding, don’t knock the guy who posts pictures of his new mag wheels when you have just finished posting 300 pictures of baby eating yoghurt – one is his baby the other is yours!

If you only use your social media for business, then stop and realise that platforms like facebook and blogging itself have grown as social networks and blogging is about sharing opinion, thoughts and events of the day – hundreds and thousands of global diaries being updated every minute. Logically not all content will resonnate with our own values and opinions, but if you let it wash over you, you might just find that you are learning new things. We need to keep the social in social media or we go back to square one, and I think many in the world are over the bombardment of advertising everywhere they go.

This post was inspired because I was seeking interaction on how to bring positives, love and fun into the space, to counteract some of the negativity. I was shocked to find that some people, particularly young people, just don’t know how to give a compliment or praise someone. It’s not, to coin a phrase “wanky” to tell others positive things – it’s just simply nice!

So how can we take simple postive action? Well how about joining up with our new global event? Until the end of June we challenge you to join us and to post a positive comment on someones wall, then share the comment (without the persons name) so that others can see the types of things that people appreciate in others. #LET’SSMILEONLINE is a really simple way to spread a little love. I think our kids would be more resilient and able to cope with the odd nasty comment from a bully when (1) they can recognise that the issue is with the person posting, not them (2) they see positives to counteract the negatives. It’s not rocket science, it’s not even science, it’s just something I would love your support in trying. Let’s all be online superheroes. If you see something negative, just remove it, or let us know if it’s on our event and we will remove it. No need to engage because who wants to waste energy on negativity anyway?

fiona lucas

*comment debate: my term for a lengthy thread on facebook

*illustrations from Futureproof your Kids

May 9, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Should we be concerned about the effects of Social Media and Smartphones on our children?

Once upon a time the first telephones were feared for invasion of privacy or that sounds from telephones could make you deaf or turn you mad! Initially seen as toys, telephones were soon seen to be vital for delivering messages quickly and assisting people in times of need. Rather than seeing the “doom and gloom” side of modern communications technology, I believe that we need to embrace it for the good that can be done, but be proactive in managing what goes wrong.

I’m not sure things are that much different. I recall when we were very young kids going into public phone boxes and trying to phone people without money, effectively producing a prank call as we couldn’t actually speak to them. So here is my confession – later as pre teens we did in fact make some prank calls – we thought it was funny at the time . We were kids, we were innocent and we didn’t think about the effect or possible consquences on the end that telling someone they had one a prize from the radio station could have. It was years later that I thought about it and felt regret that we probably had someone so excited and then crushed them by shouting April fool down the phone! Today’s children are not all that different, although possibly having access to phones at a much younger age and therefore even less likely to fully understand consequences. It is up to us to make sure we equip them with some degree of understanding before putting such a powerful instrument in their hands. It is not just the power of voice in their hands, but of word and pictures.

Personally I feel we have gone a little backwards in that mobile devices are again being seen as toys, when they are actually tools for both communication and learning. The rapid growth has allowed them to flourish and be so quickly adopted before we have had time to consider possible consequences. I believe that through education (particularly for parents) we can harness the good and minimise the bad.

Firstly it is important that we should not allow our children completely unrestricted use of devices. We need to ensure that we teach children how to respect these tools and that they demonstrate responsible use. One of the biggest ways we can do that is by modelling the behaviour ourselves.

For many children, particularly in the area of special needs; devices such as tablets and iPods provide much need stimulus and interest in learning. The screens are bright and for children who need consistency such as those with autism, they provide predictability and can be a wonderful way to engage these children. Through the use of iPads, iPods and tablet devices teachers are able to individualise learning plans and the child can learn at their own pace. For children (and adults) with fine motor skills impairment, a touch screen is much easier to use.

The list of benefits goes on: the devices are easy to carry and facilitate communication – the children can engage with their family at home and continue the learning experience. Often through these devices children are able to communicate, interact and participate where it was not possible before. This can enable “real” connection for the first time for autistic children.

For other children these tools are just another “layer” to the way they communicate. Texting and messaging is just part of life and sometimes allows them to say things they might otherwise not be able to communicate. Of course this can also mean sometimes they say things they shouldn’t say (but don’t they anyway?). Young children say what they see and what pops into their curious minds. It is up to us, as the enablers, to encourage children to learn good social media etiquette and take responsibility for what they put online. Children, particularly teens can be extremely sensitive to what they perceive and therefore we need to educate them to understand how to protect themselves. Parents must take a proactive role in this education.

We must ensure is that there is healthy balance between screen time and time spent with other learning materials and books, as well as putting good healthy habits into place. Ensuring there is time for play and outdoor activities and time without any devices is importance for health. A child should never have to feel “bored” in this day and age.

There are simple rules of use that parents and children (and schools) can develop to ensure we are making the most out of our devices and minimising any negatives or risks.

Top 7 tips from iRespectOnline:

Agree on usage – when and where and time limits before allowing a child access to a mobile device. If rules are set from the beginning it is much more likely to become a habit. Make it a priority to have other “non device” activities planned.
Set up privacy and security settings and remove access to downloading apps without parental permission. Disable or remove components which are not suitable for a particular stage of development or learning.
Don’t allow the use of devices during meal times or right before bed.
Don’t allow young children to use devices without supervision
Check out reviews and investigate apps before downloading them.
Get involved with your school and make sure that there is consistency between school usage policy and what you allow at home.
Encourage open dialogue with children and be observant.

It is important to also consider whether your child is ready for a mobile phone and if you have many reservations and don’t really want them to have a phone then dont let them. Chapter 2.6 of my new book Futureproof Your Kids (www.futureproofyourkids.com) covers the issues you need to consider and be aware of in more detail. At iRespectOnline we have produced a mobile phone decision chart to help parents decide whether or not they should allow their child a phone.

Please join us on our facebook page at www.facebook.com/iRespectOnline , like our page to join the community and join in. We are always open to suggestions on topics of interest.

Fiona Lucas

www.fionalucas.com.au

March 21, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Bully for you – sending cyberbullies into space

How fantastic it is to see that children from a group who tend to be bullied, are becoming more resilient and are now standing up and being proactive about it. I couldn’t resist the pun. Bully for you! I shouted.

Australian teens inthe 14-15 year group are those most likely to experience cyberbullying according to the report which was presented at the 6th World Congress on Family Law and Children’s Rights in Sydney’s Darling Harbour on 19 March this year, however these same youth also indicated that they were prepared to stand up and do something about it. 14% of the teens surveyed said they would tell them to stop, 20% came to the defence of the person being bullied and 21% chose to ignore it. The interesting thing is that this is the very demographic who tend to push the boundaries and engage in activies such as “friending strangers and sending photos to people online that they have never met”. So here are a group of young people who do tend to have a much wider view of privacy than many of us, but they are standing up and saying NO to the bullies.

Wow, that is such a wonderful thing for me to read. Being able to rise above the taunts and poor behaviour and see it for what it is. I have to say I’m very proud of the proactive stance taken by our government against cyberbulllying. Every school in Australia has an antibullying policy and the resources avaialble just get better every day.

Other statistics indicated that 1 in 5 teens in this same age bracket (14-15) has experienced cyberbullying.

We still have a long way to go, but it really is heartwarming to see that our teens are picking up the message. It will take time, but if you talk to your children everyday and ask them what is happening in their world (on and off line) and talk to them about cyberbullying, we will make headway. Many children don’t want to mention it because they don’t want to upset their parents, or are worried that their parents might do something that brings more negative attention to them. There is a great page on facebook run by the Australian Governments Cybersmart program where both kids and adults can join in conversations and ask questions. Its called The Cloud dream on and you can join them here. (amended this page was withdrawn in 2015). It’s real life discussion on all sorts of topics related to the online world.

There are some wonderful government research projects available which you can participate in:

The Youth Advisory Project is comprised of of 8-17 year olds students who” provide direct consultation to government via the secure YAG online consultation website and face-to-face forums throughout the year. YAG members provide advice to government on a range of cybersafety topics including digital citizenship, cyberbullying, mobile phone safety, privacy, social networking sites and online computer games”. Expressions of interest for Schools is now closed for most states (primary in WA, SA & NT closed.

Parents and Teachers in Australia can also participate in the TAP Advisory Group .TAP provides an opportunity for teachers and parents across Australia to come together via a secure online forum to discuss cybersafety issues affecting children in the digital world and is open to all Australian teachers and parents.

I encourage all parents and children to get involved and have a say in the development of online resources and policy.

Fiona Lucas

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