November 4, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Mobile Apps and your child

There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps available for us to download to our smartphones and tablets. The choice is incredible with apps for all kinds of things, from keeping us organised with shopping lists, travel lists, find a quote, manage our business, play a game, apps to find a date (or meet a stranger) , to apps that tell you when its a good time to go to the bathroom during a movie (yes the pee app exists).

The amount of time we are spending on apps is increasing with many spending over 30 hours a month using apps (nielson 2014) so it seems we are becoming increasingly reliant on using apps to manage our lives.

The question I would like to put to you is whether you supervise (or ever check) the applications that your children/teens are using?

Perhaps you do try and keep on eye on what they are doing, but find it hard to work out which apps are safe and which are not? You are definitely not alone on that front! How are we supposed to keep up to date with so many new apps appearing?

In this post we give you some tips to consider so that you can begin to understand what your child is doing with their mobile device, and then we list the apps we are most concerned about when it comes to children, tweens and teens.

9 tips to consider

Talk to your child – they will tell you what the latest, greatest and most popular app is
Use the conversation as a lead into having a look on your child’s device together to see what they have loaded.
Ask questions about what an app is for (chat, game, dating)
Ask your child if they understand the privacy or safety aspects
Check the age ratings of the apps they are using the most? Are they suitable?
Given the purpose of a particular app, it is suitable for your child (for example a 10 year old with a dating app)
Keeping your child involved in the discussion, remove apps which may be putting them at risk.
Apps which require only user names don’t really protect your child, they can act as a shield for less savoury persons and make it harder to determine who is behind the name. Whilst some people feel having a user name protects identity, this doesn’t always work in real life. Anonymity allows bullies and trolls to hide behind a user name.
Don’t allow FOMO (fear of missing out) to cloud your judgement when helping educate your children on app safety. Just because they say a lot of their friends use it, that doesn’t make it safe (and often you might find they actually are not using it at all).

Apps which can put your child/teen at risk

KIK: A free instant messenging app which requires the use of a user name. It is rated for users 17+ years of age, yet I am aware of children aged 8-12 using Kik.

KIK has been noted by the Australian Police force as one of the apps used by sexual predators for “grooming” young people. It is not just a messenger app due to the fact that is has integrated a browser into the message capabilities to enable easier sharing. This of course immediately opens up the risk of inappropriate material being shared. (Previously Kik used “cards” to bring in content). With over 100 million users we should be concerned just what the app is being used for and the risks to our children. Users can pose as teens, men as girls or women as boys in order to make connections with young people. Sexualised content is frequently found on KIK.

It is very difficult to monitor what is being said and shared on KIK as there are no records to review and threads can be quickly deleted.

Many complementary apps allow access to data. Kikfriends lets you find user names, therefore exposing our young people further to risk, as does integrating the app with Instagram. Sharing KIK names is popular, you may see posts which say “kik me @” or what’s your kik name? This is a dangerous practice as it allows strangers to connect more easily.

You can read some parents experiences on Commonsense media here.

Tinder – ages 13+

Tinder is a “hook up” app. It is primarily an adult site using location technology to allow users to find people close by. They can then choose if they like the look of the person. If the other person also likes the look of them, then they are able to chat, and of course meet up. It must be a two way connection. It has been described as the “site to find sex”. There is a huge risk to young people by sexual predators given the app narrows location down to around one km. Provided your child hasn’t lied about their age, those under 17 cannot engage with adults, but of course this cannot be monitored where someone has entered an incorrect birth date. Tinder is the only app of this kind open to under 18s. Other similar apps (rated 18+) are OK cupid, Grindr and Blendr.

Snapchat

Snapchat has been around for while and sexting is the biggest issue we see facing teens with this app. The app operates in a way that images are supposed to only display for a “snap” , but because of this the temptation to take nude pictures is pretty high. Recently over 90,000 images were copied from snapchat via a hack into a third party app. Called the snappening, the hacker released images including user ids. Many of these pictures were of naked or semi naked teens. Third party apps can be downloaded which can grab the images before they disappear. We wrote about snapchat in 2012 if you would like to learn more. We do recommend that if your teen is using snapchat and you cant get them off it, perhaps start using it yourself and make sure you are connected to them. This seems to work with many teens to help them think about what they are posting and why. (While we are at it, ask them just that.. what are they posting and why?).

Omegle is all about connecting with and talking to strangers. It is also rated 17+ (in Australia) and has strong adult sexualised content. Check ratings for other countries but their website says not to be used by under 13s and that under 18 need parental permission.

This app concerns me the most as it is all about connecting with randomised strangers both via chat and video. It’s one to one interaction and its anonymous (until you tell it otherwise). There is strong adult themes and language and cyber sex is rampant on this platform. It is possible to connect a facebook account which immediately removes another layer of safety. Omegle does have “no perverts” statement, but with a site and app such as this the risks are extremly high for young people to be exposed to inappropriate contact and content.

I would consider blocking this site for under 16’s at a minimum.

Meow Chat- rated 12+ for mild sexual content/nudity/profanity

This is a combination of a chat app and a meet up app. It uses location based technology to tell you who is nearby and offers for you to select (a bit like the hot or not Tinder selection) to potentially chat with and meet up with. You can also go for a global search and chat with people anywhere in the world. On one had I’d like to say it’s the modern communication version of a penfriend – meeting and connecting with people from all over the world can be a wonderful experience. This problem is again with the tendency towards sexualised content and the dating aspect. Having a 12 year old or younger meet up/hook up with a stranger is not something I feel comfortable with. I am concerned at it’s low rating as apparently sexual content and nudity seem to be now considered fine for our young people. I would like them to have a chance to develop their cerebal cortex just a little more before throwing them into the online dating/chat/meetup world personally.

A previous post about meow chat may be read here.

Apps you thought were safe

Instagram

Seems like a harmless photo sharing app, but of course as with all tools for some it can be manipulated. Instagram is for ages 13+ . There is a lot of peer pressure to have tweens and younger on instagram (often driven by parents who create sites for their own toddlers etc), but as with all apps, we need to look at the maturity level of the individual child, their resilience and as parents, try to preserve their innocence as childhood is a fleeting moment in life. For the most part Instagram can be a very creative space and for those of use who are visual it’s a wonderful platform. However there can be a dark side. Instagram can be used to connect to other apps and by doing so, reveal the person behind a user name. We all want to keep our youth safe and away from predators, so again, it’s about having conversations and making sure that we know who we are connecting to online.

Another risk is the obsession with selfies. For some teens they can become quite psychologically affected by comments (ok lack of comments) on photographs they post of themselves. Self esteem can take a bashing which is sad because this is superficial. It is normal for teens to seek validation, but when it is totally based on looks, and not personality and the whole package then this is when we start to see some damage. Bullying and trolling can come into play here. Talk to your teen about how they feel when using apps such as Instagram. If it’s fun and they enjoy it that’s great, but if they are finding themselves being affected by the comments, then it’s a great time to open up the conversation, and if necessary seek professional advice and help to try and minimise damage to self confidence and self esteem.

Yik yak

Many parents I speak with see Yik Yak as a fun posting app, but in actual fact it is fast becoming the most rampant site for bullying, pranking and cruelty. It has a voting/points system for “awesome yaks” which of course can act as an incentive to try and get the most controversial post. It allows you to post and search for apps within a particular radius of your location. This makes it extremely attractive to teens in High School and College. Again it’s anonymous user ID’s seem to promote the idea that behind a “mask” one can be forget respect for others totally. Reports of threats of violence, bombings, and sharing of sexual content and “paybacks” are being reported. Parents this app is also rated 17+. Principals and teachers are reporting a rise in cyberbullying with this app.

Various Gaming Apps:

There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps which involve play, and for the most part you might feel they are simply fun and/or educational. What we ask parents to consider is purchasing paid versions to eliminate advertising (rather than using free versions which may take players off game to inapprioprate sites, or have inappropriate banner ads) and also to consider apps which are constantly enticing players to upgrade or purchase new features. For some of our youth this is in fact grooming a new generation of gamblers. If your child is highly competitive or has an addictive personality in particular, please have conversations with them about how they are playing and try and keep it fun.

Age ratings:

Just a quick word about age ratings. These are of course given as a guideline in regards to use of apps. It is important that parents consider the individual maturity of their tween/teen when considering whether an app is appropriate and whether perhaps it should be removed. The issue with age ratings is that there really is nothing to stop anyone uploading an app and just saying “yes I’m old enough”. We highly recommend adjusting phone settings so that apps of inappropriate rating cannot be downloaded without access to a password (and that the parent should control that password initially until they feel their child has obtained maturity and/or age to hand over their independence).

For more information you may like to read our guest post at Happy Parenting on Mobile Apps and the Traps.

Please be aware that the information is made available for educational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You must exercise your own due diligence before implementing any recommendation and/or purchasing any product. Fiona Lucas, Socially Skilled and iRespectOnline are exempt of any and all responsibility associated with misuse or your own interpretation. Do not delay seeking medical or professional advice. You acknowledge and agree that the above warnings and disclaimers shall apply to all content and that you take responsibility for your own health and wellbeing and that of your children.

*In the interests of transparency we advise that we do receive affiliate commissions from some products. In regards to the Happy Parenting Conference, a commission is paid for VIP signups as compensation for time invested in participating, promoting and donating items.

see also disclaimers. https://www.irespectonline.com/?p=826

February 3, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Apple App Refunds Yes or No?

Could APPLE owe you a refund? Should they? Whose fault is it really?

Following a recent Federal ruling in the USA, Apple has until the end of March 2014 to notify it’s US customers of any potential reimbursements which may be due from the unauthorized purchase of apps from iTunes.

Many parents are not aware that there is a 15 minute window after purchasing an app from iTunes where further purchases can be made. So although they have entered a password to authorize the original sale, they did not authorize further spending during that “window”. Following complaints from parents with children who managed to spend sometimes thousands by purchasing more game credits, outfits, abilities or whatever the particular game offered (in app purchases)), Apple has been told to pay up (at this stage for US customers only).

This brings us to the sticky debate about whether it is parental responsibility to supervise and educate their children (and themselves) about how their mobile devices work, and to take the time to check and adjust settings, or should the provider be responsible. Perhaps the responsibility should be divided between parent, Apple and the app developer?

With the amount of advertising on many free games it is super easy for your child to even accidentally click on a banner which looks like it is part of the game (heck I’ve even done it myself!) I’ve heard and read many stories of parents who have been stung by large gaming bills. Even whilst sitting with their children who are playing on tablets or phones whilst they play with them parents may not realize that their children are purchasing additional credits only to find in a matter of a few minutes hundreds of dollars have been spent. You might think this sounds crazy, but with bonus packs of credits for these games often priced at $49-$99 suddenly you see how the app guys are rolling in it, and how those bills add up.

I believe this is a warning to us to consider how many of these games could be effectively influencing, if not “grooming” future generations into gambling. If our children can happily purchase a bunch of virtual coins to put in a virtual slot machine for a real amount of say $49, when there is no actual “prize” at the end, then we really should be getting a bit concerned. Perhaps it’s time to become far more discerning about the games our children are playing (often daily for hours at a time).

At the time of writing I’m not entirely clear whether the 15 minute window will be removed. It’s a handy thing to have when you are downloading several things at once such as songs – perhaps just making the default setting to be that you can’t make in app purchases would be a smarter move.

I’ve added some illustrations of changes to iPhone settings that you can make straight away. You can also use the fingerprint scanner on an iPhone 5S so that only the one person can authorize further purchases. Don’t delay – check your restrictions and app settings today!

Should parents take responsibility?

So what are your thoughts? Should we be refunding people because Apple (and Google) make it easy to upgrade , up sell and add-on? Or is it buyer beware and we, as the consumer, should be bothering to understand just what it is we are buying; from the equipment we use down to the apps we are loading onto it? Further, given that children cannot legally enter into contracts and agreements without parental permission, how can app developers aim these products at them without full disclosure to the adult?

Oh and by the way, before you start telling me that we should all have an Android, Google Play isn’t a better option. According to a recent report by “Consumer Reports” the Pet Hotel app, (which was the app concerned in the original complaint regarding Apple), had an even longer window of 30 minutes before the “window” to purchased closed! This allowed several other purchases to be made. You can read that report here.

Actions you can take on your child’s iphone now:

Turn on restrictions (keep the password to yourself!
Use prepaid gift cards (ie itunes) rather than credit card
Consider restricting content ratings (ie General, PG, Explicit)
remove the 15 minute window

We would really love to know your thoughts on these important matters. Please leave your comments.

Fiona Lucas

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more about the author at www.fionalucas.com.au

September 10, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

The Connected Family: 5 Fab ideas for safer social media FUN

Author and online reputation educator Fiona Lucas shares 5 ways to balance “real” life and social media to connect with your family for the best of both worlds!

Families are so busy these days that it may seem easier for parents to leave children playing with smartphones, ipads and other devices to keep them entertained. These devices and online games can be highly addictive and once habits form, it can be very hard to break them.

We need to try and find a balance so that we remember that our devices are merely tools to help us to achieve a goal, and are not more important that spending time with each other. We don’t want our future childhood memories to consist of the high score they got on “angry birds”! Further the “good” use of the internet and social media platforms is becoming more and more integrated into the way our children learn at school, so we must ensure that we are able to support our children as they learn and not allow a ‘digital divide’ to grow.

We have put together some suggestions to help parents find ways to engage with their children using a balance of “real” experiences and online fun. This allows us to create an environment where our children see that our online tools are just that – tools that can add to an overall experience, but they are not the only experience.

Here are five ways that you can start engaging and having fun with your family, mixing up both online fun and real life fun to make a much more complete experience and create memories to last. By enjoying time together you can make the online experience safer because you are there to guide and monitor your child’s online time.

1. Create a family day trip scrapbook:

Organise a day trip, to the local zoo or fun park, you might like to involve extended family or friends.

Take photographs on the day (make sure you ask for parental permission if you take photos of other children). When you get home, or the next day or so, put aside a couple of hours to play with the kids and create a scrapbook album on your chosen social media platform. You might like to use Pinterest or Facebook.

If you are involving your children we highly recommend keeping the albums private – just for you and your family (you might choose to allow access by extended family). Have your children help you make up titles for the photos but don’t “tag” any of them with names.

Sit with your children and look up information on some of the animal or activities that you did during the day. You could then help your children to make comments on the photos with some of the facts. For example a title on the photo might be Mummy Giraffe and baby. The comment could be: A baby giraffe is called a calf. Giraffes can have necks up to 2 metres long. They have really long tongues too.

You might then look for fun (and age appropriate games to play). For example at Africa games there is a hungry giraffe game and they also have interesting facts about Africa.

2. Go on a real life treasure hunt! Geocaching experiences can be lots of fun!

Ever tried geocaching? Its fun, gets you outdoors and is a great way to show how your smartphone is really just a tool! Did you know that around the world geocaching enthusiasts have been hiding various “treasures” and marking them via GPS for others to find. Little trinkets (stickers, balls, toys from things like kinder surprise) are hidden to find and trade, along with a log book so you can mark when you found it, and leave something else for others to find. There are now over 6 million geocachers worldwide and over 2,214,540 active geocaches (treasure spots) across the world.

All you need is a GPS or an iphone. You can download a geocaching app for around $10 or create an account here and discover what’s hidden in your area (and around the world). A basic account is free, but if you really find you are enjoying it you might choose to join (annually around $30). Find our more here geocaching.com Beginners experiences are marked in green on the site. Check the details as some are more complex than others. Don’t do microcaching to start – they are very tiny and hard to find. Start with the bigger ones.

The only rule is that when you find a cache, whatever you take you replace with something of similar value.

Why not don your pirate gear with the kids and head off on a geocaching adventure!

3. Get APPY!

Hold an APP party where you all compare and talk about the different apps your children are playing with on their mobile devices. This is a great opportunity to talk about safety of apps and to check out just what your kids are playing with online. Take a good look at the types of advertising particularly on free apps and consider whether some apps are “grooming” for future gambling. You might discover some great new apps, and you might find there are some you decide to delete as well. Make sure you discuss with your child the pros and cons and help guide them to make the right decisions about the apps they are using.

4. Paper Chain Family

Here’s a bit of fun. Create some paper chain people or paper dolls and decorate them to represent your family members. Have fun posing them in places like around a tree and take a photo – then take a photo with the actual family doing the same thing. Stay safe, but you can have lots of fun. (add some of the photos to the family scrapbook you created in number 1 above. This is a great opportunity to have a few silly photos taken and then discuss what it might mean to have them online. There are bound to be a few that the kids say “oh yuk, no don’t post that”, and that is exactly what you need to bring a discussion into the space about respecting the rights of others and not posting pictures without their consent.

5. Savvy Shopping skills

With so much of our spending being online and via card, it’s hard for our children to understand that there is not an never ending supply of money. Play “online shopping” but use toy money and see how “savvy” your little budgeters can get. This is a great way to teach your children that money runs out and that prices vary. They will start to understand concepts around making better choices when they can see that the money doesn’t last. If you want to, you could give a small real prize for the one who shows restraint and compares prices (maybe some pocket money or a new money box!).

With more and more of our time being “screen time” it is vital that we seek to educate our children (and ourselves) early in finding balance, not just for on and off screen time, but balance between onscreen play and enjoying family activities offline.

Guiding our children as they grow up online can be tricky for parents. If you have enjoyed this post you may be interested in Futureproof your Kids – a parents guide to the social media playground.

To stay up to date with news for your connected family subscribe to our blog now and watch for our free app coming soon!

We hope you enjoy our suggestions and would love to learn of other ways you use social media to engage effectively with your child. Please let us know in the comments below.

You are most welcome to share this post on your social networks and parent groups. Help to spread the message for safe and balanced social media use.

Fiona Lucas

Fiona Lucas is the founder of iRespectOnline, providing education, training and strategies on managing your online reputation and social media. She is passionate about making the online world a more supportive and happier environment for all. She is the Author of Future Proof your kids.

www.fionalucas.com.au

May 9, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

Should we be concerned about the effects of Social Media and Smartphones on our children?

Once upon a time the first telephones were feared for invasion of privacy or that sounds from telephones could make you deaf or turn you mad! Initially seen as toys, telephones were soon seen to be vital for delivering messages quickly and assisting people in times of need. Rather than seeing the “doom and gloom” side of modern communications technology, I believe that we need to embrace it for the good that can be done, but be proactive in managing what goes wrong.

I’m not sure things are that much different. I recall when we were very young kids going into public phone boxes and trying to phone people without money, effectively producing a prank call as we couldn’t actually speak to them. So here is my confession – later as pre teens we did in fact make some prank calls – we thought it was funny at the time . We were kids, we were innocent and we didn’t think about the effect or possible consquences on the end that telling someone they had one a prize from the radio station could have. It was years later that I thought about it and felt regret that we probably had someone so excited and then crushed them by shouting April fool down the phone! Today’s children are not all that different, although possibly having access to phones at a much younger age and therefore even less likely to fully understand consequences. It is up to us to make sure we equip them with some degree of understanding before putting such a powerful instrument in their hands. It is not just the power of voice in their hands, but of word and pictures.

Personally I feel we have gone a little backwards in that mobile devices are again being seen as toys, when they are actually tools for both communication and learning. The rapid growth has allowed them to flourish and be so quickly adopted before we have had time to consider possible consequences. I believe that through education (particularly for parents) we can harness the good and minimise the bad.

Firstly it is important that we should not allow our children completely unrestricted use of devices. We need to ensure that we teach children how to respect these tools and that they demonstrate responsible use. One of the biggest ways we can do that is by modelling the behaviour ourselves.

For many children, particularly in the area of special needs; devices such as tablets and iPods provide much need stimulus and interest in learning. The screens are bright and for children who need consistency such as those with autism, they provide predictability and can be a wonderful way to engage these children. Through the use of iPads, iPods and tablet devices teachers are able to individualise learning plans and the child can learn at their own pace. For children (and adults) with fine motor skills impairment, a touch screen is much easier to use.

The list of benefits goes on: the devices are easy to carry and facilitate communication – the children can engage with their family at home and continue the learning experience. Often through these devices children are able to communicate, interact and participate where it was not possible before. This can enable “real” connection for the first time for autistic children.

For other children these tools are just another “layer” to the way they communicate. Texting and messaging is just part of life and sometimes allows them to say things they might otherwise not be able to communicate. Of course this can also mean sometimes they say things they shouldn’t say (but don’t they anyway?). Young children say what they see and what pops into their curious minds. It is up to us, as the enablers, to encourage children to learn good social media etiquette and take responsibility for what they put online. Children, particularly teens can be extremely sensitive to what they perceive and therefore we need to educate them to understand how to protect themselves. Parents must take a proactive role in this education.

We must ensure is that there is healthy balance between screen time and time spent with other learning materials and books, as well as putting good healthy habits into place. Ensuring there is time for play and outdoor activities and time without any devices is importance for health. A child should never have to feel “bored” in this day and age.

There are simple rules of use that parents and children (and schools) can develop to ensure we are making the most out of our devices and minimising any negatives or risks.

Top 7 tips from iRespectOnline:

Agree on usage – when and where and time limits before allowing a child access to a mobile device. If rules are set from the beginning it is much more likely to become a habit. Make it a priority to have other “non device” activities planned.
Set up privacy and security settings and remove access to downloading apps without parental permission. Disable or remove components which are not suitable for a particular stage of development or learning.
Don’t allow the use of devices during meal times or right before bed.
Don’t allow young children to use devices without supervision
Check out reviews and investigate apps before downloading them.
Get involved with your school and make sure that there is consistency between school usage policy and what you allow at home.
Encourage open dialogue with children and be observant.

It is important to also consider whether your child is ready for a mobile phone and if you have many reservations and don’t really want them to have a phone then dont let them. Chapter 2.6 of my new book Futureproof Your Kids (www.futureproofyourkids.com) covers the issues you need to consider and be aware of in more detail. At iRespectOnline we have produced a mobile phone decision chart to help parents decide whether or not they should allow their child a phone.

Please join us on our facebook page at www.facebook.com/iRespectOnline , like our page to join the community and join in. We are always open to suggestions on topics of interest.

Fiona Lucas

www.fionalucas.com.au

November 9, 2012 By Fiona Lucas

Snapchat – making sexting a snap?

Snapchat and your teen

Is your child using Snapchat? If your child has a android phone, iphone or ipad/tablet, I highly recommend that you check to see if they are using this app, it’s been around for a few months now.

If they are, read this post and then have a chat to your child about what they are doing with the app, and what they are seeing. There have already been over 1 billion photographs taken with this app – that’s quite a terrifying amount.

Is your content really gone?

Snapchat allows the user to take a photograph and add a message and share it.. but it’s gone in up to 10 seconds and (supposedly) deleted from the servers immediately afterwards. If someone tries to take a screen shot then the user gets sent a message – but all that means is they know someone tried to take a screenshot (and possibly has).

There are two schools of thought here. On one hand, if a user is going to take naked or semi naked photos or other unsavoury pictures, then at least they don’t hang around for the rest of their lives or end up on some random porn site or in the hands of pedophiles; but on the other hand is this encouraging children to take racy shots or engage in sexual conversations. Just who are they sharing them with? In my opinion the whole 10 second thing would make this even more exciting for the user and encourage such shots. Further photos may be off all types of other behaviour such as drug taking or violence. What stops someone from using another device to copy the photo?

Is snapchat suitable for your child?

My questions are endless! How can we be sure that the database will not be corrupted and the photographs accessed by hackers? Are we suddenly deciding that sexting is mainstream? What ages are using the app and just what are they seeing in 10 seconds? Childhood should be allowed to be a time of innocence, yet we seem to move more and more towards a very free society in regards to sexuality. It saddens me because the years of our lives that we have to just enjoy the beauty of the world and share innocent play are so short and getting shorter. The excitement of discovering sexuality as children grow through their teens seems to be gone and so much information is forced upon our children at a younger and younger age.

The App itself is rated as 12+ saying it has infrequent mild sexual content/ nudity/drug use – but how do they know what is being shown in 10 seconds? What of the predators who may be posing behind some pseudonym and may send photos which could be quite distressing?

I was speaking to a Mum today who had a 14 year old daughter who happily showed her Mum the app she was using, but she also didn’t show what the photos were. The innocents may just be taking “selfies” but what other risks do apps like this expose our children to?

As parents we make our own choices about what our children are exposed to and at what age. Parenting in these digital times is fraught with challenges, but if we have open dialogue and encourage our children to consider their choices, then we are at the very least sowing a seed which just might protect them in the future.

Fiona Lucas