respect Archives - iRespectOnline

November 8, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

Raising Adolescents

How are you going raising your tweens and teens?

Raising adolescents is both a wonderful period of change and a tricky stage for parents and can be a really difficult time for your children. I like to think of it as our children turning into butterflies. It is a time of massive physical development, hormonal changes and development of the cerebral cortex. For parents it s time when we need to be brave and to understand when to interfere, when to offer guidance and when to quietly observe (fingernail chewing allowed).

Adolescence is a time of change, our children seek greater independence (whilst still very much needing us there) , they are experimenting, testing boundaries and trying new things, all on their path to discovering who they are. Because so much is going on it can be a time of anxiety, perhaps angry outbursts at times, risk taking and a lot of button pushing (it’s so not easy being a parent at this time either is it?). However our children, even if they are acting with maturity, do not have the life experience or the self awareness to necessarily know when they are making a poor decision. Peer pressure, friendship groups, seeking validation and fitting in are all very important to a teen and this can sway them to do things or to act in ways which away from that pressure they might not normally do. This can affect their self esteem and confidence in either positive or negative ways.

Into this mix we now have a world which is made up of face to face and physical contact, and the online world of texts, photos, tweets, posts, comments and blogs. So what happens when you take teen angst, boundary testing, risk taking and give them access to a smart phone or other device? We open up another set of issues to navigate with our teens as they grow.

It is vitally important for parents to have knowledge about what to expect, or what to look out for, and to feel empowered to either help or know where to find help so that poor online behaviours or experiences are not prolonged before any intervention. Prevention is always better than trying to repair damage after an event.

Demonstrating strong family values, particularly that of Respect goes a long way to creating a foundation stone upon which your teen’s future is built. Our recent post on finding the balance and apps which can help you as a parent feel more at ease as your teen heads towards independence can be found here.

There is not enough room on this page to cover every aspect of raising your adolescent, and that is why we partnered with Happy Parenting and the Raising Adolescents, Teens and Tweens Online Conference.

This is a FREE live event running over the course of the week and you will find experts in all kinds of fields available with great advice, guidance and assistance with your questions. Don’t worry if you can’t watch it all live, there is an option to subscribe to have access to all the content and transcripts (along with lots of bonus material) so you can watch and listen in your own time. You can register for Free (there are limited places so we do advice you register as soon as possible.

When you sign up you will be granted immediate access to bonus content including our new eBook “The Social Media Diet” all about getting balance between the online and offline world.

Depending what part of the world you live in the conference start dates are:

Los Angeles: Sunday 9 November, 3 pm
New York: Sunday 9 November, 6 pm
London: Sunday 9 November, 11pm
Sydney: Monday 10 November. 10 am

We really hope to see you there.

March 4, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

MYBIZCARD Begone -Letiquette lesson No 2

Are you totally over those random inmails on your Linkedin asking for a review?

You know the ones .. they look like this

From all my research into this app – there isn’t much good about it. If you have received one there are two things I ask you not to do:

1. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK

2. DO NOT CLICK UNSUBSCRIBE

WHY? Because clicking either link will find you being asked by MYBIZCARD to access your Linkedin Profile. This will give the app the ability to approach ALL your contacts. Even if you innocently chose just a few thinking you are helping out a friend you may find a bulk email goes out. Not only does this annoy your contacts, but the message will go out with their names clearly visible to each other. It’s never good etiquette to expose your contact names to others without their knowledge at the best of times, but you might just really upset a client if their details end up in the wrong hands. Unfortunately many of these app “mine” lists which we really don’t know in whose hands they might end up. It’s always worth a little research before using any app.

Further if you have a really big list, you can only apologise to 50 at a time so it is just not worth it.

From all indications this app tells you that you will get a “rating” but then you find that you have to pay to access the service anyway.

I have heard of negative ratings being given to people who complain to the company so that is really poor and possibly in breach of certain laws in some countries.

Follow the instructions in our infopic to see if you have the app installed and to remove it.

If you do receive one of these emails, delete it and then let the person know – and send them to this post so they can take action themselves.

If you don’t know the person who sent it to you, you can mark as spam, but if you do, marking as spam could see Linkedin suspending or closing their account down if everyone on their list does that.

If you want to build a great profile and reputation, then the best way is to ask real clients and colleague to give you genuine recommmendations, and keep your Linkedin profile up to date because profiles always score well in a google search!

If you found this post useful and would like to know more , please join our Linkedin business page here to stay up to date

With respect

Fiona Lucas – iRespectOnline

February 17, 2014 By Fiona Lucas

LETIQUETTE – LINKEDIN ETIQUETTE

LETIQUETTE – LINKEDIN ETIQUETTE

In recent times there has been a bit of a change filtering into LinkedIn and in my opinion it’s not all been for the better. From my observations it’s change being driven by users, due to a poor understanding of what LinkedIn is for and how to use it well. As a Social Media professional educator, I constantly come across clients and associates who create profiles on every different platform because they believe that is a good strategy. Sometimes it is, provided there is a strategy and plan behind it.

Where it goes pear-shaped is when we start taking rules and behaviours from one platform to another and there is a mismatch between audience and purpose.

Professional networking platforms such as LinkedIn have rules for a reason. The rules are not there to restrict – it’s about targeting. When I’m discussing LinkedIn with clients and associates, I keep hearing so many stories about “spammy” emails and requests to connect from very disconnected sources, so it inspired me to do the following post, to help you get more out of LinkedIn and leverage it’s power for your profile and business.

LinkedIn’s own mission statement is: “…to connect the world’s professionals to make them more productive and successful”

I hope this post helps you to understand how to use and engage with your connections to help make your experience a positive and successful one.

1. NO PROFILE PIC (who are you?)
Think of your presence on LinkedIn just as you would when attending a physical professional networking event. You don’t walk into a room with a bag over your head do you? For best results, have a clear professional and current headshot on your profile. Ensure that your eyes are showing because we connect far more readily with people when we can look into their eyes. Your photograph (or lack thereof) is one of the first things people will look at.

2. NO SPAM PLEASE
Just because someone has connected with you on LinkedIn this is not an invitation to be placed on your mailing list. Nothing can be worse for your reputation than being known as a spammer. Anti spamming rules apply and if you wish to add someone to your newsletter, then email them asking them and make sure there is an opt out option. This is important for you to understand because if enough people mark your emails as “spam” then LinkedIn just might shut your profile down.

BEWARE THE THIRD PARTY APP: There are several products on the market which purport to build your networks and help your to build your brand and be found online. Unfortunately many of these programs make it very easy for you to send out invites and requests to your entire list. Some of these are referral key Etagged.me Erated.me Make sure you do your research before accepting such invitations – they may do more damage than good.

3. SENDING A BLANK INVITATION

If you only request connections using the standard connect form and don’t complete it, you are sending a blank invitation. LinkedIn provides an option to add a message with a request to connect. Please USE it. LinkedIn is about QUALITY over quantity. If you wish to build relevant relationships, which can help you to leverage opportunities, then it is worth taking the time to customize the message.This is even more important when reaching out to someone you have actually never met or engaged with. Let them know why you would like to connect. Tell them you enjoyed their article or the talk they gave. Remind them that you were at the conference or that you share similar interests or thoughts on a subject they are passionate about.If you actually don’t know the person, have no connections or their email address, then ask a mutual connection for an introduction. Some try and get around this by linking to a business the connection is part of. This does nothing for your reputation and could be just AWKWARD! Connecting with someone by saying you have worked with him or her at your business, or their business and you never have just to make the connection is a poor strategy! Come on – imagine being at a physical network event and someone says to you “oh I just met Bill over there, he says you used to work for him”, and you’ve never met the guy? If you wouldn’t do it in real life, don’t do it online. Worst still if you run into this person in the future your reputation will already be damaged!By the way..

4. IT’S NOT A DATING SERVICE
Linked in is NOT a dating service! It is inappropriate to use it as such. There are plenty of websites and platforms designed for that service. If you do happen to connect with someone and at some point it leads to a relationship that is lovely, but don’t send inappropriate connection messages – it doesn’t build your reputation and you just might get marked as spam and end up without a profile.

5. NO SELFIES OR CUPCAKES
LinkedIn is NOT Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest or any of the other social networks. Whilst Facebook is primarily a social network, one which also has fantastic opportunities for businesses to connect and develop customer/client relationships (B2C, C2C and B2B), LinkedIn really works best as a professional networking platform. Here you can build and develop your profile, seek new connections and new opportunities, build or change your career and find partners and joint venture opportunities.It’s been said that “you wouldn’t wear flipflops to a job interview so don’t kick your shoes off on LinkedIn” and I think that is a great analogy. LinkedIn’s roots were in the recruitment industry – linking people and jobs, but over time they recognized the potential to help business to grow and to find connections way beyond the capabilities of a job board. LinkedIn has deliberately been created in a more formal and professional way and many professionals who would shy away from the other social networks will happily add opinion and share information within the constraints of the LinkedIn environment.
That said, the power of visual marketing means you can share powerful content, just ensure it is relevant. Using great images in your blogs is still a great strategy. Cupcakes are fine if that’s your business, but not if it’s your afternoon tea!

6. BE TRUTHFUL
This is the most important one of all. There is no benefit to lying or exaggerating on your profile. Your online profile is a snapshot of your resume and subject to scrutiny. Don’t risk your reputation.Highlight your achievements, your contributions to the world, but be transparent. Don’t take personal credit for a team effort and don’t reinvent your titles. Just be honest. This is especially true for those just starting their careers, it can be tempting to “gloss it up”. Please don’t. You can still be creative, especially if that suits your industry, but just keep it real. For example if you managed a business, use your title; don’t say you were the CEO (unless you were of course!). If you contributed to an article or book, say you were a contributing author, not the “author”. A little honesty goes a long long way.

I hope you have enjoyed this post, please pop over and join our LinkedIn company page so that you can keep up to date with our posts and let us know what you think. We would love to hear about your LinkedIn experiences.

Fiona.

LinkedIn, the LinkedIn logo, the IN logo and InMail are registered trademarks or trademarks of LinkedIn Corporation and its affiliates in the United States and/or other countries.
This post has been written to provide information and education about using LinkedIn and the use of the name is within branding guidelines. We are not an affiliate.

www.fionalucas.com.au

September 10, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

The Connected Family: 5 Fab ideas for safer social media FUN

Author and online reputation educator Fiona Lucas shares 5 ways to balance “real” life and social media to connect with your family for the best of both worlds!

Families are so busy these days that it may seem easier for parents to leave children playing with smartphones, ipads and other devices to keep them entertained. These devices and online games can be highly addictive and once habits form, it can be very hard to break them.

We need to try and find a balance so that we remember that our devices are merely tools to help us to achieve a goal, and are not more important that spending time with each other. We don’t want our future childhood memories to consist of the high score they got on “angry birds”! Further the “good” use of the internet and social media platforms is becoming more and more integrated into the way our children learn at school, so we must ensure that we are able to support our children as they learn and not allow a ‘digital divide’ to grow.

We have put together some suggestions to help parents find ways to engage with their children using a balance of “real” experiences and online fun. This allows us to create an environment where our children see that our online tools are just that – tools that can add to an overall experience, but they are not the only experience.

Here are five ways that you can start engaging and having fun with your family, mixing up both online fun and real life fun to make a much more complete experience and create memories to last. By enjoying time together you can make the online experience safer because you are there to guide and monitor your child’s online time.

1. Create a family day trip scrapbook:

Organise a day trip, to the local zoo or fun park, you might like to involve extended family or friends.

Take photographs on the day (make sure you ask for parental permission if you take photos of other children). When you get home, or the next day or so, put aside a couple of hours to play with the kids and create a scrapbook album on your chosen social media platform. You might like to use Pinterest or Facebook.

If you are involving your children we highly recommend keeping the albums private – just for you and your family (you might choose to allow access by extended family). Have your children help you make up titles for the photos but don’t “tag” any of them with names.

Sit with your children and look up information on some of the animal or activities that you did during the day. You could then help your children to make comments on the photos with some of the facts. For example a title on the photo might be Mummy Giraffe and baby. The comment could be: A baby giraffe is called a calf. Giraffes can have necks up to 2 metres long. They have really long tongues too.

You might then look for fun (and age appropriate games to play). For example at Africa games there is a hungry giraffe game and they also have interesting facts about Africa.

2. Go on a real life treasure hunt! Geocaching experiences can be lots of fun!

Ever tried geocaching? Its fun, gets you outdoors and is a great way to show how your smartphone is really just a tool! Did you know that around the world geocaching enthusiasts have been hiding various “treasures” and marking them via GPS for others to find. Little trinkets (stickers, balls, toys from things like kinder surprise) are hidden to find and trade, along with a log book so you can mark when you found it, and leave something else for others to find. There are now over 6 million geocachers worldwide and over 2,214,540 active geocaches (treasure spots) across the world.

All you need is a GPS or an iphone. You can download a geocaching app for around $10 or create an account here and discover what’s hidden in your area (and around the world). A basic account is free, but if you really find you are enjoying it you might choose to join (annually around $30). Find our more here geocaching.com Beginners experiences are marked in green on the site. Check the details as some are more complex than others. Don’t do microcaching to start – they are very tiny and hard to find. Start with the bigger ones.

The only rule is that when you find a cache, whatever you take you replace with something of similar value.

Why not don your pirate gear with the kids and head off on a geocaching adventure!

3. Get APPY!

Hold an APP party where you all compare and talk about the different apps your children are playing with on their mobile devices. This is a great opportunity to talk about safety of apps and to check out just what your kids are playing with online. Take a good look at the types of advertising particularly on free apps and consider whether some apps are “grooming” for future gambling. You might discover some great new apps, and you might find there are some you decide to delete as well. Make sure you discuss with your child the pros and cons and help guide them to make the right decisions about the apps they are using.

4. Paper Chain Family

Here’s a bit of fun. Create some paper chain people or paper dolls and decorate them to represent your family members. Have fun posing them in places like around a tree and take a photo – then take a photo with the actual family doing the same thing. Stay safe, but you can have lots of fun. (add some of the photos to the family scrapbook you created in number 1 above. This is a great opportunity to have a few silly photos taken and then discuss what it might mean to have them online. There are bound to be a few that the kids say “oh yuk, no don’t post that”, and that is exactly what you need to bring a discussion into the space about respecting the rights of others and not posting pictures without their consent.

5. Savvy Shopping skills

With so much of our spending being online and via card, it’s hard for our children to understand that there is not an never ending supply of money. Play “online shopping” but use toy money and see how “savvy” your little budgeters can get. This is a great way to teach your children that money runs out and that prices vary. They will start to understand concepts around making better choices when they can see that the money doesn’t last. If you want to, you could give a small real prize for the one who shows restraint and compares prices (maybe some pocket money or a new money box!).

With more and more of our time being “screen time” it is vital that we seek to educate our children (and ourselves) early in finding balance, not just for on and off screen time, but balance between onscreen play and enjoying family activities offline.

Guiding our children as they grow up online can be tricky for parents. If you have enjoyed this post you may be interested in Futureproof your Kids – a parents guide to the social media playground.

To stay up to date with news for your connected family subscribe to our blog now and watch for our free app coming soon!

We hope you enjoy our suggestions and would love to learn of other ways you use social media to engage effectively with your child. Please let us know in the comments below.

You are most welcome to share this post on your social networks and parent groups. Help to spread the message for safe and balanced social media use.

Fiona Lucas

Fiona Lucas is the founder of iRespectOnline, providing education, training and strategies on managing your online reputation and social media. She is passionate about making the online world a more supportive and happier environment for all. She is the Author of Future Proof your kids.

www.fionalucas.com.au

September 9, 2013 By Fiona Lucas

FYI If you are the parent of a teen

There has been much discussion following the recent blog post by Kim Hall, Director of Women’s ministry at All Saints PCA in Austin, TX.

In it she discusses how she sits with her teenage boys and they look at social media posts together. I think being able to share family time and social media is a great thing, and something that I advocate. It is important that we demonstrate transparency and openness and being able to share our social media together is like sharing the photo album of old. (Provided of course we are mindful about what we are sharing).

The post has gone viral and that is a good thing, as it is hopefully ensuring lots of good conversation and debate around the content. Unfortunately for Kim Hall, it hasn’t all been positive. Although there were some comments regarding the photos she posted of her boys on the same blog (since replaced with more happy family shots), the issue that was setting off alarms for me was around the way she seemed to be encouraging her boys to look at women as sexual objects and to judge them. “I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?” she states.
Don’t we all put a towel around ourselves when getting out of the ocean or pool? A towel usually covers more than the bathers underneath surely? Of this poor girl who has been banished from the “Halls” social media and is now forever in the minds of Mrs Hall’s sons pictured in a sexual way – perhaps she is just an innocent copying what she sees all around her online, on television and in videos? Why assume she is trying to seduce?

There are all kinds of warning bells going off. This is akin to saying a girl ‘asks’ for assault by the way she dresses, yet our fashions dictate much to our youth – they are just following trend (even although some of those trends might make us shudder – but hey – many of us lived through the 80s!).

I have written this post because I would like to ensure that we are encouraging discussion and deliberation around these issues, to ensure we examine and explore solutions to a modern problem. What we are posting online is reflecting upon our reputations, but unfortunately much misinformation and prejudice seems to also be rife.

Is it possible that we could see someone in a towel and NOT make a sexual judgment – whose prejudice are we placing in the minds of our children – it’s our own. Don’t get me wrong, I am fearful of the pornographic poses which seem to be so popular, mainly because I fear that our girls are not appreciating their own true inner beauty and intelligence and base their self esteem on mirroring the images they are bombarded with. This is all superficial, and this brings me back to Kim Hall encouraging her boys to only determine friends through such superficial means.

One of the things I have been blessed with, which in all honesty it took me a long time to understand, was to appreciate the diversity of our world. Thanks to life and in part to my own extremely talented children I have discovered that things such as the fact that long hair or really short hair, tattoos, holes in their earlobes, beards or loud music don’t mean that the people who don’t necessarily share my own tastes in haircuts, music or fashion are not highly intelligent valuable people for our society. Every one of us has something we can add to the world in a positive way. You don’t have to have been an A grade student or a graduate with high distinctions to bring amazing things to the world – what you need is belief in yourself and your message. Our children have the ability to change the world in a way never before seen. Neither of my children were straight A students, but both possess passion and belief in their chosen professions, and they put their whole heart into the things they love doing. All of our children have such amazing opportunity. The power of connection and communication is literally at our fingertips, the ability to explore ideas and research vast amounts of information means we don’t really have an excuse to be ignorant anymore.

The zero tolerance policy that Kim Hall has in her own home I understand when it comes to what her children have placed online and their own behaviours, but as a person who is obviously of Christian orientation, I do feel she should encourage tolerance and understanding. There is also a risk that this “banning” will actually arouse more curiosity in her boys.

She states that she “prays for the women my boys will love. I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her”. I hope that she is not sitting with her boys, looking at a picture of perhaps a 14 year old girl who has taken a silly photograph of herself (assuming this is a pose in PJ’s as described) and then state that this girl could never bring happiness and joy to anyone? This is the kind of statement which leads our youth to feel disengaged and desperate. I am saddened by such a view.

Those of you with daughters, how does this resonate with you? Would you want your daughter’s condemned for a photo and more so should she be the one who is responsible for ensuring she is not judged sexually by a male? Is she responsible for the fashion of the day? We have surely moved beyond such judgment.

This brings me to the core of my post, the belief that we as parents MUST be the models for our children. If we were more involved perhaps we could curtail some of these youthful mistakes which now rather than being confined to a household are shared with the world. It is our responsibility foremost we must teach our children the values of respect. SELF respect is I believe one the key traits that we must endeavour to encourage in our youth. Perhaps this is the message that has become lost in Kim Hall’s post, but there are other messages she is teaching her children which are not positive traits. I certainly feel that our own prejudice such as passing judgment upon others, particularly children, is NOT something we should be teaching our children. Helping them to identify dangerous behaviours certainly is. The message I believe Kim Hall is trying to convey is that girls have the opportunity to stop, clean up their social media pages and demonstrate their true colours, but she forgets that boys also need to do this. One does not want to accidently encourage self righteous misogynistic views to be developed, and sexual objectification and denigration can be manifestations of such views.

Kim Halls original post has since been removed.

Fiona Lucas